Because I wasn't asked but thoughts will always find their expression....

"But your worries aren’t entirely irrational. While I agree that men and women can be just friends, proximity is also a huge factor in bringing couples together (“The One” mythology notwithstanding). And, yes, Boyfriend can be happy with you and still fall for her."

"Given all that, I think your best bet is just to say, “I think there’s an element of tempting fate with a female roommate, but objecting to it feels wrong, too,” and let him figure things out from there. Or don’t say anything and let the story play out. That puts us right back where we started, but that’s not always the worst place to be."

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/2011/09/28/gIQAch7jYL_story.html

Officially missing you.....

You

                Your voice

                Your calls 

                Your eagerness to go on Skype

                Your willingness to stay up late

                Your habit of telling me everything and anything

                Our conversations

You...

.....

It's been a long while, without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it

If I'll ever hear from you again

There goes my June.....

I had high hopes for June. I was looking forward to ending the anticipation and finally getting the chance to look him in the eye, see him smile and hear him laugh. I'll finally see how patient or impatient he will be when I'm being silly and have him him sit in a table with my Dad and siblings.

I had high hopes for June. Even when things weren't very good,  I hoped he would remember and set aside everything (disappointment, hurt, pain, frustration) and tell me he was glad that he met me a year ago. In my wildest imagination, he was knocking at my door and would say he loves me even when I'm at my worst. He would take a chance, ignore all stops and would just go because he loves me. But really, a text message would have been enough.

I know better now than to have high hopes for June. 

There goes my June.....

There goes my love.....

The longest 13 days

Maybe, I made the right decision.

Maybe, something good will come out of it.

Maybe, we're not meant to be.

Maybe, it's over.

Maybe, I was wrong.

Maybe, it'll work, afterall.

Maybe, we'll come around.

Maybe, I deserved it. 

Maybe.


And the only thing I'm sure of is that it hurts, everywhere. 

It hurts because love was, is true. 

It hurts because love didn't die.

We were drifting and we said OK.

We accept the love we think we deserve...

I deserve a man's full attention, not his spare time.

I deserve his patience and understanding, not his tolerance.

I deserve a visit and a call, not just text messages.

I deserve his apologies, not frustration.

I deserve love, not promises, not lip service.

Anything less than that, I should not accept. 

I will not accept.

Be brave, my heart.

And he said "I love you"

I wanted to believe him. A part of me believes him but the other half tells me it's absurd to entertain the thought.

He takes a plane to a country twelve hours away from home and three hours away from me and what do you know? He takes another plane and skips the country where I am. And he said, he loves me.

On ordinary days, he sends me a message the instant he wakes up and tells me good night just before he close his eyes. On a holiday, it feels like I have to beg to get a message from him. And he said, he loves me.

Feeling low, I wasn't too chatty and told him I'm not good company at the moment so he asks, "Do you need space"? It felt really bad because it sounded like I'm only good to be around when I'm being fun. And he said, he loves me.

He said "I love you". I'm glad I didn't say I love you too. 

Tragic, really. The person who didn't say the words turn out to be the person who really meant it.